The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
