The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
