they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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