no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
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Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
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I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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