So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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