piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
