Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
