i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
