I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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