dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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