Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
