She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
