i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
