Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
