How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
