FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
