Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
