i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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