Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
