it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
