I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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