I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
