Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
