Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
only if we run a train.
done.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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