This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
