went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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