Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
