So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
