all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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