i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
