i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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