If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
