Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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