Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
