so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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