Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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