remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize