I puked a lego.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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