it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
