frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
