Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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