giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
