she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
