One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
