He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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