just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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