got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
