I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
as a side note pls kill me
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
