It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
