i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
