it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
