So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
