I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
