I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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