What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
