Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
