Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
