dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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