well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The uberlube is also flammable
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
