There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
