Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
