It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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