Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
