respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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