YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
