another moral hangover. fuck.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
