new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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