I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
