I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
