White coat. Heels.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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