i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
