This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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